“Are you sure?” is one of the most common questions you will be asked. It’s OK if you aren’t sure, but you might need to answer the question with confidence. Tell them if you are sure. Tell them if you aren’t 100% sure, but assert that you can’t ignore the feelings you are having. Another question often asked is “how do you know?” –how do straight people know that they are heterosexual? It’s just how you feel and who you are. It’s important to be honest about that if you are ready to be and won’t be put in an unsafe situation if you are.

If you are having feelings of guilt or depression, seek some help in understanding those feelings before coming out to loved ones. Contact Dani on info@freedom.org.au or check out the Mental Health, Support and Community Info sheets to find out about linking in for some help.

If your family’s reaction may not make you feel good, you need to find someone or a group that you can turn to for emotional support and strength.

Many people’s responses will be based on stereotypes and myths about gay, lesbian or bisexual people. Reading up on the subject will mean you can more confidently respond to these sorts of questions. Check out our Links, Glossary, FAQs and the rest of this Info section.

Contact us at FC or go to the Downloads part of this website section for the ‘Someone You Love’ booklet to give to family and friends of LGBT people. It’s also useful to have the contact number for your local PFLAG (Parents & Friends of Lesbians And Gays) so they can get peer support if they want it, and the details for a counsellor who will be unbiased and knowledgeable about diverse sexuality. Contact FC (info@freedom.org.au) to get info on good, LGBTIQ-friendly counsellors.

If you have the choice for when to come out, consider the timing. Try not to tell people during an argument or use your news as a weapon for shock value. This will only distance people and catch them during an aggressive and/or defensive moment.

People often need time to deal with and process this sort of thing if they don’t expect it. Just as it can take time for us to accept our own sexuality, it can take our loved ones time to accept and understand our diverse sexuality. If/when you decide to tell someone close to you, be prepared to give them time to adjust and comprehend this new information about you. Try to hang in there while they get over any initial shock of finding out they didn’t know everything about you.

If you suspect they are capable of withdrawing any financial support or forcing you out of where you live, you may choose to wait until they do not have this pressure to hold over you. You need to think about the advantages and disadvantages.

Depending on your relationship with someone, you may already have a good idea about their views and feelings about sexual diversity. Use this knowledge to consider how much info or support you may need if/when you decide to tell them about your feelings and/or sexual identity.

Yes it is! This is a personal decision that should be yours, though unfortunately this is not always the case. Try not to feel pressured by people who think everyone must come out or by snooping people who ask unwelcome questions.